how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
