8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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