It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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