YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
