My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
