Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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