I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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