your parents love me but you hate me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
