so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
