there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
