She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
should my penis look like a turkey
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
