I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
