Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
