No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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