I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
