On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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