were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
