apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
