We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
