____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
40s are totally the cure
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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