shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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