Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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