your room smells of hookers.
And success
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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