i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
