Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
