I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
