there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
