hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
