apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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