It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no, he came in my armpit
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
