i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
