I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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