I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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