he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
