my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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