Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
