I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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