yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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