Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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