She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
