remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
