Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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