he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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