Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
