I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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