I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
