Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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