Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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