There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
