I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
